The Bank Account

A willow tree, beautiful weather and one cute kid helped make a wedding we attended this past weekend just fabulous. Friends of ours were married in our hometown and we got the opportunity to have a night out on the town.

Hearts A Lot

There was good wine. Delicious food. Sloppy dancing. Even some karaoke (don’t worry; I didn’t belt out my beloved AC/DC song).

Most importantly, there were speeches. I love, love, love wedding speeches. This is mostly because I love to learn more about the couples as we’re given perspective from their loved ones. I also soak up the insight and advice that’s given to the newlyweds regarding marriage.

Such was the case this weekend when the bride’s father compared marriage to a bank account. He said, you should be depositing more than you withdrawal. In other words, you should give more than you get from your partner. That’s the key to marriage.

I have definitely been in major withdrawal mode these past days. I feel like I’m constantly needing Toby to help walk me through work, personal and mom stresses and he’s taking on more around the house as a result.

  • Alex is up at 3 a.m. each night; then I’ll give him his bottle tonight.
  • I have four deadlines that should have been submitted 20 minutes ago; then I’ll do the bedtime routine.
  • I can’t fit into my jeans; then go for a run.
  • I can’t get the new Katy Perry song out of my head; then stop having such terrible taste in music.

See how much he helps?

I know it’s all give and take. I took Alex out Sunday night so Toby could have a few hours on his own. Instead, he spent the time fixing a leaky faucet in our bathroom.

Following another “I have a deadline today!” meltdown yesterday evening, Toby calmly asked me: So how can we simplify this situation for the future? We discussed strategies and solutions to bring about a more streamlined workflow. Instantly, I felt better and again thought about that bank account.

So, how you gonna deposit more into that bank account, Cathy? That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it?

Well, I haven’t really thought about it. An afternoon out golfing? A full day with the house to himself? Having him paint the entire living room next Saturday?

I’ll try to make more effort doing those little things that add up: getting dinner organized; doing bedtime routine; buying him Pepsi; showing him the paint colours I’ve considered for the living room; and many more ways to prove my love.

In all seriousness, I think the asterisk to this piece of marital advice is this: Don’t keep tabs. Don’t look at how much you’ve put into the account and don’t point out how little you’ve received in return. The more you give the more you get.


Do you give or take more from the bank account?

What’s the best piece of relationship advice that has stuck with you?

Can I borrow five bucks?



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