Last night my husband, Toby, and I had a chat on the couch. It came after a long day with our little man, who is currently suffering from his first cold. We’ve been dealing with few naps and plenty of tears – at this point, my husband would likely interject and say: are we talking about Alex or Cathy? (Hilarious…)
We were chatting about what runs through our head when trying to console our crying four-month-old baby.
Here’s how it went:
Cathy (hesitating): I don’t really know how to say this to you, but when Alex is crying, I hate you so much.
Toby (ecstatic): Oh my, God! I hate you so much!
Cathy: All I can think about is how you aren’t helping me.
Toby: I always assume you must have lied to me about feeding him and I’m dealing with the tears.
Cathy: When he cries, every fiber of my being hates you.
Toby: If someone walked into the room with divorce papers when he’s crying, I’d gladly sign.
You’d think after we confessed to one another about our mutual hatred, things would blow up. Instead, we were relieved. We actually laughed. We felt the other person normalized the feelings we’d been having.
Then I had another sip of my wine.
After confessing our thoughts, we asked one another: Why do we hate the other person when our son is screaming bloody murder in our ear?
Because we’re looking for a scapegoat. I’m struggling to learn that you can’t control a baby’s actions. So when he’s bawling and I’m grinding my teeth, I’m trying to find a reason why he’s acting the way he is. If I can’t blame someone else, then it’s my fault he’s crying.
Science would thus dictate it’s my husband’s fault. And vice versa.
Since we’ve had the baby, we’ve had to work really hard at talking to one another. Whether sharing funny stories about Alex or expressing our hatred for one another, it’s helped us as we navigate through this uncharted territory.
On a somewhat related note, you HAVE to check out the “Why My Son is Crying” Site. Hilarious…
If you have kids, do you throw out those honest feelings to your partner?
If you don’t have kids, what do you think of this unfiltered glass cage of emotion?